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Help Wanted

AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY –

Struggling small Northeast post-industrial city seeks a Business Administrator.  Duties include, but are not limited to the following:

“Assist the Mayor in the preparation of the City budget.” – This is according to City Ordinance. In reality, the Mayor will leave you alone on this, being  unprepared to handle the complexities of municipal finance, and preoccupied with other matters (SEE BELOW). Also, the Mayor is often out of town at a secure, undisclosed location for weeks at a time.

“Negotiate contracts and maintain proper labor relations with all employee collective bargaining groups.” – This will entail creating and frequently updating personnel lists for layoffs, bumps and demotions, when not negotiating union givebacks and furlough days. These lists, normally determined by seniority, length of service and highest attained civil service title, will in actuality be kept by rank order of political favoritism and/or familial connections. Please note: promotions and salary adjustments within employee collective bargaining groups will not be determined with respect to actual employee experience, background or aptitude.

“Serve as Director of the Department of Administration.” – Someone has to do it, even though all matters of Administration are rather arbitrarily and capriciously handled (SEE ABOVE).

“Prescribe and enforce rules and regulations for the efficient management of the City government not inconsistent with the Charter and this chapter.” – The prescription of rules and regulations  is one of the most important functions of the Business Administrator. Enforcement, not so much (SEE ABOVE. Also see, “ADPC vs. Lynx Technology Consultants and City of Trenton.”)

“The Business Administrator shall approve and authorize payments, on behalf of the City, of claims which, upon review of the City Attorney, represent legitimate and provable causes of action against the City in such amount as represents a just, equitable and fair settlement…” – Except on occasions when the Mayor, in his capacity as Supreme Attorney of the Municipality, chooses to overrule the City Attorney and substitute his own judgment (SEE “Cooper Levenson vs. Marc McKithen”).

“Perform such other duties as this chapter may require, as assigned by the Mayor or as Council may otherwise prescribe.” – Chief among these are to act as the Face of Responsible Municipal Government in the midst of otherwise irresponsible and unprofessional administration. In layman’s terms, this means acting – if necessary – as “The Fall Guy” should ongoing criminal investigations being conducted by County, State and Federal investigators return indictments against any currently serving civic officials. Please note: anticipating the course of these investigations is a large component of the Mayor’s daily schedule. Please be prepared to take up the slack of the city’s government.

QUALIFICATIONS:

Previous Experience as a Business Administrator in the State of New Jersey valuable but not necessary. Diplomas or degrees from the following institutions highly desirable: Trenton Central High School, Howard University. Trenton Birth Certificate required. Successful applicants will also be required to execute a residential rental agreement at the Broad Street Bank BuildingPLEASE NOTE: DUE TO THE FREQUENT TURNOVER IN THIS POSITION, APPLICANTS ARE ENCOURAGED TO SEEK ONLY MONTH-TO-MONTH RENTAL AGREEMENTS.

As noted, turnover in this position is high. The projected tenure for successful candidates will be measured in weeks. However in the event that the successful candidate becomes associated with other members of city government in certain activities that may at some point in the future be adjudicated by a jury of one’s peers in a court of law as being in violation of state or federal statutes (i.e. the “Fall Guy” scenario), the term of service may be 5 to 15 years.

Successful candidates may wish to consult counsel and/or mental health professionals before accepting this position.

Please submit your application, with three professional references, to the Post Office Box below.

The Municipality is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

Good Luck!!!

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